Monday, December 4, 2006

Day 30....and holding

I haven't written b/c I thought if I waited I might have something, anything to talk about. Nothing. AF should have started yesterday but today is Day 30 and still no AF. No sign of her in sight. It is really frustrating me b/c I am anxious to start a new cycle. Plus, if I don't start soon my fertile time (if I even have one this month) will be when hubby and I are at my Mom's house for Christmas. I guess there is no hope for December. Maybe January.

I never imagined the emotional roller coaster that trying to conceive would be. I never thought I would see "infertile" on the diagnosis in my doctor’s files. I resent mothers, especially moths who are close to my age (27) and are having baby #2 or #3. I resent young pregnant women in the mall, out at restaurants, at the doctor’s office. It hurts so bad when I hear someone say "I never thought I would get pregnant. It took me 2 whole months". I hear this often and thsi is 2 years and 2 months for me. Sometimes I feel like pregnant women are flaunting their bellies when they rubbing (physically rub it) it in my face.

I just have so much resentment. So much anger. So much jealously - yes jealously built up inside me right now. Maybe this month............

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