Wednesday, April 16, 2008

12dpIUI

Yep, still negative.

Thanks so much for all your prayers. Keep them coming!!!!

I want to kinda share in a little more detail the feelings and emotions that I have been feeling. Thanks so much Amberly and Celeste for all of your encouraging words.

I feel selfish. I have been so blessed. I wonder sometimes if I haven't thanked God enough for all of the many blessings in my life - for all of the gifts He has given me. I feel selfish for asking for yet something else.

I fell guilt. Guilt for the faithlessness that I have sometime have with God that this is never going to happen for me. I feel guilt for not being able to give my husband the 5 children he wants.

So many things are going through my mind. It seems like God only works on one thing at a time. we finally found out why I am not ovulating...then I miscarried...He pulled me through...found the first blood disorder....couldn't get pregnant...changed medications...fixed the mucous problem...still no pregnancy.....added IUI...finally pregnant...miscarried....for additional blood disorder....can't get pregnant.

I still have a glimmer of hope. I sill have a few days before this cycle is over. I am emotionally better today than I was yesterday. we'll see what tomorrow brings.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” - Mary Anne Radmacher

3 comments:

Randy and Tomekia Porter said...

Hi,
I am Emily Fryant Porter's sisiter in law and found your blog from her. Just wanted to let you know that I read your blog often and am praying for you! I can relate somewhat. My husband and I have been trying now for a year and two months with no luck. I have taken my first cycle of clomid and I don't feel like it has worked this time. I am an emotional wreck. I can't undertand either how people who don't even want kids get pregnant those of us who are longing so bad to be a mother have to go through all this hurt and pain. I myself feel selfish and have to remind myself daily to praise God for the many blessings he has already given me! You can check out my blog if you would like---http://porterlife2008.blogspot.com/.

Matt and Amberly Collins said...

I am assuming that you had a negative again today since you haven't posted. So I just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. Next month is only 15 days away!

Buford Betty said...

I love that quote. I totally understand your feelings. I feel like I'm pretty laid back for the most part with all of this, but then I have those days. I totally had one of *those* days Friday. I am thinking of you! Keep praying, keep believing, and keep at it! :-)