Saturday, July 14, 2007

cd 33

Today is cd 33. Negative test this morning. Temp dropped by a whole degree, but not quite to cover line. I kept telling myself that maybe I didn't take it right. I went to Jackson last night for a lingerie shower for a friend and it was storming on the way. I left work about 2:30 and I got home about 11:30 last night. I got in bed about 12:30 and then we had a prank phone call at 2:30 and 5:00 this morning and then I had to take the temp at 5:30 and I am not convinced I had my mouth closed all the way. I guess I am just going to start late this month. I am NEVER this late. Last time I was pregnant I didn't test until cd 34 and it was very faint then. And that one turned out to be a blighted ovum. I am so upset this morning. THIS SUCKS!!!! I just knew this month was going to work. Over the past two days I had convinced myself I was pregnant. I want a baby so BAD!!!! Now I have to wait a whole another month. Only two more months of this and I can go for the IUI!!! I just don't understand!!!!!!! Why does God choose to bless people who don't take care of their babies, or who or not married. WHY???? I have done everything right in my life. We just built this beautiful 4 bedroom dream home, but I can't even fill one other room much less all of them. I just don't understand why this has to be so hard for me. I could understand if I only had 1 tube or 1 ovary, but they removed the endometrosis, and unblocked my left tube, but still can't find anything else "wrong" with me.


Stephanie said...

i totally understand your feelings of "why". I have asked that so many times and there is no answer. I guess we were never promised anything. I have come to realize that there is nothing more I can do to get pregnant (I try IVF, acupunture, counseling, massage and yoga). It is now up to God. He will either say yes or no. Depressing huh?

Rita said...

Thanks for writing this.